those rainy thoughts…

i wonder what he looks like. smells like. kisses. hugs. cuddles with me. joke with me. encourage me to keep going when i fear completing a task. his smile. his teeth. will he have a beard? what about tattoos? any piercings? what about his hair? does he even have any. his height. his build.

i wonder how he grew up. how does he connect with his family. is he family oriented? wonder what ours will look like. will he love with his all? has he witnessed love? does he love him? how will it feel to be so in love with someone who loves their own self. i wonder how will he express his love. will it be loud & extra or soft & gentle… maybe a combination of both.

i wonder will we dance around the house to classic r&b cuts. will he rap all the lyrics to my ratchet rap music. will he send me songs that remind him of me? will he sing off key to brighten my day. i wonder will he even appreciate music as i do. wonder if he plays any instruments. can we be the old couple two stepping in the club as we mature.

with time how beautiful will the love will grow. will he be gentle when my problems appear? will he share his true mental health with me? wonder how beautiful it will be to feel safe & trust each other with our fears. the beauty in being able to ugly cry together & still see beauty before you.

i wonder what he laughs like. how does it sound. is it soulful? i wonder how will he sleep. will he watch me sleep. to feel him crawl in the bed with me to end our day. to pray together. to rest & be at true peace with one another. how amazing the sex will be. to know that the thought of us together in the most passionate affectionate way will send sweet sensations to groins. to do. bite. sweat. moan sweet nothings. who will get the towel.

i wonder what it would feel like to really feel love. to see love when i look at you. to feel the internal joy within. to share energy with you. how your protection will comfort my heart & spirit. i may annoy you or you may not get enough of me…

just sometimes i wonder how that experience will be to meet my sanctuary. my soulmate. my real love.

with love

peace & blessings

deja 💙

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