four.twenty.thoughts…

as i sit next to him…

i wonder who is he. how did we get here?

look at those eyes. look at that smile…

fuck i’m a sucker for it.

damn. how did we get here?

i wonder who is he texting?

who else is he sexing?

is it me like he say or is it all a facade created to cater to my ego & to his favor?

when we lay, am i really where you want to be?

we have fun together.

we laugh together.

we’ve share moments together.

but what does any of that mean?

are we simply enjoying each other’s time in the moment?

are we working toward a forever type ending?

where do we stand?

how does it end?

sometimes i wonder, is it worth it?

yes i am happy.

this thing makes me smile.

but also boils my blood & makes me cry.

i wonder if he ever wonders what i’m doing?

what i’m thinking.

how i feel?

if my needs for certain levels of affection drive me outside of us.

as i sit.

i appreciate life as it is.

-deja

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