teach them well…

children fascinate me. not in a i want kids way (giggles) but in a way that is legitimately interesting & entertaining to me. i do not want children of my own, just a personal decision i made awhile ago & it works for me. i am however blessed to be an aunt of some of the most amazing little people ever. they are my favorite type of people. they are unedited & unfiltered people who are learning as we all are.

with the lovely pleasure of being an aunt, i get to tap a toe in the water in regards to children being around on a more constant basis. between them & the innocent gems that my friends have, kids are a true hoot. no matter how much they can stomp on a nerve & i do mean do a mean routine that will drive most insane, remember to be patient.

now i am no expert by an means. but, what i will say to the lovely parents or as an involved & instrumental figure in a child’s life, please fill them with love & affection & understanding. they should learn it at home with you in my opinion.

now what i mean by that is stop chastising children for things that they are unaware or unfamiliar with. when i hear people say, “put that baby down. they just want somebody to hold them, ain’t nothing wrong” but how are you so sure? most times as an adult, if i am safe & not in harms way by any means & i am crying, it’s due to my emotions. something has triggered me. not because i’m spoiled. not because nothing is absolutely bothering me. again i am not an expert.

don’t call them spoiled or cry baby, take time to learn what’s not feeling good. don’t compare & contrast them based on complexion. allow them to see how beauty is within us all in one manner or another. don’t allow them to fear talking to you. you can learn a lot from children if you allow them to talk. don’t allow your traumas from live be poured into them. don’t allow all the negativity that lives within this society we live in to infect them. inform them about the troubles of the world but don’t teach them to be afraid of it.

teach them how to handle these difficult times if certain things are to occur & how to appreciate the small beauties in life. get them counseling if needed. mental illness is a real thing. they don’t always “grow out of it” take the time to invest in something that you crafted & created.

as an individual who has gone to therapy (highly recommend it to ALL) & is currently working on parenting the inner child, it is tough. start now with your babies.

now please do understand i have had one of the best parenting systems & experience with my mom (in my opinion but i’m biased lol) but there were still things unbeknownst to her that still need to be addressed within me. she does the best job that she can, even currently by staying involved & communicating.

i say all this to say, love on your munchkins. nurture them even when it hurts. even when you tired. even when you think it’s nonsense. this can be a cold world & children learn that from an early stage of life. make sure you equip them best way you know how without making your shit, they shit.

& parents y’all continue to make this world a better place by nurturing up compassionate & healthy children. the world will thank you for that.

with love

deja 💙

•peace & blessings babes•

…from the ground up

this was a place i knew. i have lived here so long & it is what i felt to have known. this was a place i called home.

it had weathered the storms of life i tell you. some of the paint is chipped. there are minor damages accumulated along the way. but the foundation is where the root of the problem lied.

it was the cause of a lot of the damage. thinking that i could patch it with quick fix after quick fix. to only accumulate more damage & loss of value along the way.

but the day that i stood firm & told myself the truth. i then knew that i had to let the entire home go. starting with the foundation or the damages. either way the structure could no longer exist.

the struggle it is to rebuild what you thought was the dream home is exhausting. because now you see the real work that it takes to build it literally from the ground up. but the work is worthy of the exhaustion.

to understand the land & foundation is key. then you begin to create the structure that will soon be your new home. the one that is exactly how you imaged it. filled with love, passion, happiness, work, & peace.

to then have the opportunity to stand back & admire your new home. the thing that you are most proud of. something that was crafted & created by you. though others can add things to it, if you allow. knowing that it is still yours if them & their trinkets have are no longer desired is a beautiful feeling. this home has a value that cannot be counted in your eyes.

admire & love your homes. do some renovations if need be. but be sure to take care of home.

with peace, love, & many blessings

💙 deja

something for the homies…

i just had the comforting feeling of i know i am moving in a beautiful direction. having dinners with my friends helped me to realize that.
it’s so important (i believe) to surround yourself with genuine people who love you & embrace you at all times. those people who don’t judge. those who rather tell you about the painful life lessons than to witness you experience it (nah gotta break my own heart lol but thanks for the warning). those who you laugh for hours with & internally feel your spirit jump with glee & joy. those who will be there when you are at your low & will sit with you while the tears fall but also will not allow you to stay in that place too long.
when you think it can’t get any better, then y’all pour life into one another. (mini praise break). to have friends who surround you & pour into you that affirm things that you feel but to hear them spoken & have not mentioned it to them will hit different. to be in-tune with them spiritually that sometimes words are truly not needed at times to communicate with them. to feel safe & secure no matter how bad times maybe they don’t fold nor bend.
to have those who not only acknowledge but respect the boundaries that you set for your mental space & do not try to change your view. true enough they will give an opinion but that’s people but they accept the choices you make for your life. they will send good intentions into the universe for you. they will encourage the positive in life & not dwell on the negative. they give life a refreshing breeze.
to all my friends that have seen me in all the dysfunctional stages of life & emotion (yuck lol kidding) thus far, i want to thank you for not only being what i need you to be (which is yourself) but for all that we share. from conversations, laughs, tears, joys, hurt, & victories. you all add something extra to this life i have & i thank you, love you, & most importantly appreciate you.
hopefully this inspires you to reflect or start a conversation. who knows but hopefully it brings a smile & some peace.
with peace & blessings
love deja 💙

…the ghetto…

parenting yourself has got to be the toughest shit i have experienced. for me, parenting yourself is knowing you need to accomplish this because you’ve committed to this & not allowing your thoughts or ego cloud the commitment. yeah i know bullshit.

it’s telling yourself go to the gym, not to lose weight to physically appeal to other people but because you know that you need regular physical activity in your life in order to be healthy, if that’s a goal. it’s telling yourself ease up on the soda because you know you body flourishes & benefits off water. it’s telling yourself it’s okay to say no because you know that something does not feel good or right to you & being at peace with your no.

you see all the shit you have to be mindful of when parenting yourself? i take my hat off to those who choose to be parents because not only do you have to be mindful of yourself but the innocent life that you have to love in nurture in a chaotic world while still showing them beauty in the smallest things. i commend the people who are aware enough within themselves to respectfully say that is not a journey they want to experience in life. parenting yourself is accepting the consequences of your actions. not blaming anyone but accepting the part you played.

so to all my adults who are out here trying to enjoy the life that we have, experience joys in a manner that are within the realm of your peace, just remember that it comes with the beauty of parenting yourself. have fun. be honest to yourself without the opinion of anyone clouding your judge & knowing that your decisions are a reflection of you. not your family or friends. start living life based on who you are. those who love you truly will always love you because they will never judge you for being you. (yes they will have their opinion because you know people. but they will not abandon you for that). so live. parent. be honest. be happy.

with peace & blessings

💙 deja

what is it…?

is it truly a desire to be alone or is it avoiding the emotional connection due to past trauma?
… to be honest for myself it’s a bit of both. now on your average day after a long day at work then to turn around & possibly workout or run errands or cook dinner, peace & quiet & consuming entertainment that i enjoy alone does not bother me in the slightest. it is my space to relax & release anything that may have been dancing in & out of my thoughts throughout the day. i almost shouted because to truly enjoy your own company is a great joy for me. (just know internally a hallelujah was shouted)
now as much as i love to be alone & mind my own fucking business & tend to my own internal battles, there are times where i do find myself avoiding emotional or even conversations where interest is present. part of it is due to choices in men from the past that did not turn out to be favorable & placed this hella defensive wall around my feelings. i try not to hold others accountable for others actions but once i see something similar behavior in you or just see the lack of effort, i am kind but defensive. (trust me working on this is difficult)
outside of these men having me fucked up (kidding kidding 🙃) I just feel that i am not prepared to share my emotional space with anyone. expressing your issues to someone & expecting them to understand & be mindful of how they handle you with care seems so far fetched. maybe it’s the area. the people. either way seems as if wanting honesty, communication, comprehension, commitment, & transparency is like wanting a unicorn. but why should wanting those qualities plus finding one another attractive so hard?
i often remind myself that there is time to find that & to be patient. secure myself on my own. then because i overthink a lot (another task to tackle) i think is there enough time? how does it really play out? do i get the unicorn? see the overthinking thing lol
so yes it’s a combination of things but the main relationship that i am cultivating is the one with myself. once securing that relationship flaws & all & acceptance, you are unstoppable.
hopefully this helps you in one way or another or inspire you to have the conversation with yourself.
with love,
deja 💙
*peace & blessings loves 😘

summer summer summertime…

it’s that special time of the year. summer. it literally brings its own energy. well at least for me personally. seeing everyone let their hair down. vibing. grooving through the streets. those late nights that feel like they are filled with magic & all your fantasies are coming true.

that breath of fresh air. like even when things feel & seem rough the summer sun & energy allows you to deal with it & continue to move on because you realize there is so much more to go. this season does at times bring an end to a legacy. mend some relationships. explore some new ones.

to feel young & free. to kiss the stranger that gives you butterflies from the party that you end up on the phone with all night because you feel you have found the one. to have sex in a warm summer rain without a care or worry in the world in that moment. to enjoy the ability to be naked before those that you love & not be shame or insecure.

to dance to the music of life. to drink or smoke & enjoy yourself responsibly & to check on those that you enjoyed the night with. to wake up with mad wild ass stories & moments where memory is distorted. to laugh at all the silly shit you did. to not be judged but embraced. to celebrate.

encourage the hood rat shit. or the good girl thing. to be on a spiritual journey. to live in the moment. to stick to the plan or to just say fuck it let’s do what we do. to feel. to enjoy. to laugh. to make memories. to capture the moments by photo. to just enjoy how good things feel on the longer days.

this time of year has stolen my heart for its own magical purposes. hope that you get a chance to experience this. to feel like every day is a great day & to make moments last forever within your heart.

enjoy your summer. enjoy your people. most importantly enjoy yourself & be your happy.

with peace & love

deja💙

something…

“how do i start this? mind everywhere other than where it needs to be. maybe. i guess to envision what you feel will bring you happiness & to believe that you are so close to it & to see it fold like all the others is a blow. you tell yourself to pick yourself up. to smile beyond. to live without. & you do. you smile more & feel better about yourself because you’re not subjecting yourself to voluntarily being mistreated or hurt. but what happens now? do you let go of the vision & settle into the actual reality of being alone? do you keep the yearn within? how do you cope with wanting something that may never come… faith. it’s present but it feels faint. if my faith feels faint then it feels that it won’t be obtained. but do i give it more or less energy? to self care & self love for me is to be vulnerable, transparent, & honest & the honest truth is i know as much as i have experienced up until this moment in time.”

wow i was feeling some feels. the portion up top, is something i started writing mid month & thanks be something in my spirit told me to hold off. as i read those words today, that feeling was not the worse nor the best but more of me battling with accepting that being vulnerable comes with its own weight. it builds you up & allows you to live a little more fearless but the bumps & bruises along the way don’t always feel good. i can say in such a short time, i have started to stand in the sun of vulnerability. it ain’t always sunny but there is always guaranteed sunshine. peace & relaxation. internally that’s how i feel too. hopefully this inspires you to step into the sun more often. own how you feel & express it in healthy manners. commitment to a better me has bettered me personally in so many ways & hopefully you began or enjoy the journey.

with peace & love

💙 deja